How people can sleep on a train is beyond me. It’s unsteady. It’s loud. The seats are uncomfortable. People can get past all that – but they really, really shouldn’t. Someone I know once told me the loud noises of the train were “hypnotic.” Have you ever seen someone who has been hypnotized? It’s not pretty. Neither is sleeping on public transportation.

My two favorite examples:

• The portly man, head tilted back, mouth wide-open, loud consistent breaths, and a little trail of drool making its way past the cold sore on the right side of his mouth. This isn’t the image this guy should be putting on display for others. If only his wife could see him now.
• Men aren’t the only ones. I saw a woman the other day snoring, with her head slowly falling down, and snapping back up once her chin hits her chest, repeating this motion every 15 seconds. It’s amazing to me that she doesn’t wake herself up when her head snaps back and hits the seat. It certainly looks jarring enough. (if I were to fall off my bed and hit my head on the nightstand, I would probably wake up).

About 10 years ago, the LIRR kicked off the “Clean Train Campaign.” A clever little line when it was originally introduced. All these years later, I get the feeling riders purposely litter to spite the “Clean Train Campaign,” because they are so sick of hearing about it. Imagine hearing the same thing at least twice a day, five days a week, for 10 years. It’s almost as bad as Stuart Scott still milking his “Cooler than the other side of the pillow” catch-phrase from the 80’s. Please…come up with new material.

I hate everything about mornings, especially my bathroom. My bathroom is the darkest room of the house with no windows. I dread going in there after I wake up, knowing that I must flick on a light switch that will blind me. During this temporary blackout, I am usually prone to losing balance and bumping into something sharp, causing me to writhe in pain and curse at myself looking at myself in the mirror through squinted eyes. Happens almost every day. I started wearing sunglasses to the john. Seriously.

A friend of mine walked up on the gay & lesbian pride parade recently in NYC and decided to stay and watch for a bit.

Dying to tell someone about what she was witnessing, she sent texted me (unfortunately). The first one read, “assless  chaps!” A text soon followed with an additional observation…”visible balls.”

Gross.

My strangest subway experience…the global no-pants-subway-ride…

Here is a link to the story as well…

Every time I see someone raise their hand to hail a taxi I want to give them an enthusiastic high-5…and really slap the crap out of their hand. I’ve never done it, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t appreciate it.

The worst part about commuting is realizing you have to do it all again tomorrow…